Wednesday, July 09, 2008


Being that I was getting a little bored in the last few weeks from being off work, I tinkered around in my garage for a few days, and came up with my latest invention - a Time Machine. In the process of taking a few "test drives", I started by going back to the past. Funny thing was, I kept getting error messages for any times I set before 8,000 BC. That error message kept saying, "ERROR 001: SORRY, BUT THAT YEAR WOULD SEND YOU TO OBLIVION, AS THE UNIVERSE HAD NOT BEEN CREATED YET...OUT OF LIMIT. PLEASE RECALCULATE." I was very disappointed not to go see those big dinosaurs that have provided all of our oil.

So, I proceeded to try a few other years within the LIMIT, specifically wanting to see things like the Ark, meet Abraham, Job (one of my favorite guys in the Old Testament), Moses... Okay, you get the idea. I can tell you one thing for sure: Cars don't pollute nearly as much as camels! So you think the stuff spewed out from the diesel-powered tractor-trailers going down our roads is bad, try camel's breath! Whew!

One of my latest stops in the past was when I went back to the time this country was founded. It was amazing! Nobody seemed to be able to say a sentence that didn't include God (or Providence) and Freedom! Oh, and prayer seemed to be constant. It was a joy to make that journey on July 4. Better than any fireworks I've ever seen!

But now, for the other news... Going into the future was very strange. I wasn't sure if that would even work. I kept getting a warning message on the display: "WARNING: GOD'S WILL DOES NOT MATCH FUTURE EVENTS. UPON RETURN FROM THIS TIME, YOU WILL BE ABLE TO ALTER FUTURE EVENTS BY YOUR PERSONAL ENDEAVORS." What could that mean? Well, let's see... Let me start at about 2029, and see what happens...

There weren't any newspapers, but I did finally find the ON button to the wall display, and found the way to see the latest news headlines:


Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California.

White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped.

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica. No other country comes forward to help the beleaguered nation!

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.

Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in Mexifornia and Floruba.

Abortion clinics now available in every High School in United States

Senate still blocking drilling in ANWR even though gas is selling for 4532 Pesos per liter and gas stations are only open on Tuesdays and Fridays.

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2030.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

Floruba voters still having trouble with voting machines.

But of course, I wrote this post in "jest"; the Time Machine I worked on in the garage really didn't work, for some reason. People on the electrical grid were pretty upset about their power going off continuously. Fortunately, it was blamed on the power company because of the flood... But I digress. Somebody sent me the Headlines from 2029 in an email, and I thought about those - shaking in my boots. But I loved how the email was concluded: "Now, send this to whomever you want and as many as you want, then, guess what....NOTHING will happen. No miracles, no money, absolutely nothing, except you might make someone smile or very, very scared."

With that, I will conclude with the final profound words of that viral email:

"I love this Country. It's the Government that scares me!"


created2bless said...

It is very nice to met you and wow, we are on the same page and wave as eachother with offering a life of purpose. :-)

I loved reading this blog, too funny but so true about some of the items listed.

How do you pronounce your last name? My maiden name is 'Kubik' very close.

Here's my main blog like yours in case you want to gleen a bit into my life and meet my family. :-)

Also, what type of security work do you do?

John Kubicek said...

Hi Denise!

My last name - Kubicek - is pronounced: Koo' - ba - check.

Are you any relation to the famous Yankee infielder, Tony Kubik? I go back a long way! :)

Yes, I've seen your blog, and it is great! I'm still reading! I loved your thoughts about marriage, and you hit it out of the park. I will recommend it to all the married or soon to be married couples.

Yes, we are definitely on the same page. "Purpose Driven Life" has done many good things for many people. It is sad that so many people became upset with Rick Warren, as he kind of got on the wrong side of the Conservative base. Yet, his book, as I was trying to show in my writings, has done so much for so many people.

It is unfortunate, but it truly looks like my career in security work has come to an end. Between me and God, I had a good career of 2 years and 8 months where the people I was "protecting" stayed safe. In all that time, I had no serious incidents; all they got out of me was good "service", and knowing that I cared about them. My employer felt that a bad time in my life, due to the flood in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, followed immediately by a serious illness I had, was time to let me go! It's okay, God must have something else for me to do.